teleios rp for Sarah; backdated

[battlelined]

Jeremy sits on the bed in the room that Sarah and Jeremy have shared for weeks, months now. They've shared a room or a living space for over a year, and being in it now and knowing what he is going to say, it tears him apart to think of it. His stomach twists terribly. It's not normal nausea. It's something that burns as it twists, and it's not from the alcohol, which he couldn't drink enough of to get Vicki's words out of his head about what happened in another universe. At the start of his stay in Chicago, he'd just recovered from one death (the longest one of just a an hour tops maybe), and he wondered if he wasn't supposed to die then and there. Finding out he dies again for a long, long time. Finding out his sister dies and becomes a vampire and loses her humanity because he dies-- He doesn't know how to process that. How the fuck does anyone process that?

And he doesn't know how to do this. He doesn't know how he is going to say that he's moving out even if he was planning on doing it before Vicki told him anything, because he can sense she needs it.

The moment he reached out for Sarah and she pulled away (something that has never happened before, he's never made her feel that way before), he knew. He knew he'd destroyed something so-- so beautiful, and it's that moment that stays with him and how he can sense her need still for space. Jeremy knew. He knows her so utterly and completely well. Better than he's ever known anyone before, better than he knows himself, and he can tell she needs space, space from him, space from his betrayal, space from all of it. Maybe finding out what he did about the world that he left behind so many years ago, it's what reminded him... what he is. And he loves her too much to-- He loves her too much to not help make sure she gets what she needs especially after everything that he's done.

It doesn't mean it's easy though. He doesn't really know how he's going to get the words out when it feels like his stomach is on fire, and there's panic in his chest, and he doesn't understand anything anymore, but he's sitting and waiting for her.

Comments

[rattles]

Cora has been a really good friend to Sarah throughout all of this.

Which is a feat in and of itself, as Sarah doesn't make connections or friends often, but Teleios has been different. In more ways than one. She doesn't hate it as much as Jeremy does, but maybe she should. Her face crumples again at the way his voice sounds, and whatever was left of her resistance breaks as she closes the distance between them, throwing her arms around Jeremy to hug him very tightly to her. Her stinging eyes close against his neck as she brings him closer, her face twisted into a pained expression.

She's right here, she wants to say. But she hasn't been, has she? She just doesn't know what that means. If she hasn't been here, then where? If they're not best friends, then what? It's why whatever is familiar about Teleios is something she isn't in any hurry to figure out. It's apparently a place where they're not even friends, where they don't reach for each other. And that'll always be unthinkable.

"I'm still here," she says quietly. Maybe she's been distant, maybe she goes away sometimes, but she will always come back.

And that makes sense, too.

[battlelined]

♫

Jeremy's expression crumples completely when she throws her arms around him, and he wraps his arms around her too tightly. His eyes burning as he swallows a sob, pressing his face against her hair as he gathers her up in his arms and lifts her up against his chest tightly to him. His fingertips dig into her back but not painfully so, he is so careful with that now because he has to be, because he refuses to hurt anyone he loves anymore-- anymore than he already has. He will not hurt her.

"I'm here now too. I know I wasn't before like I should have been," he says achingly against her hair, knowing how much his anger has gotten in the way of him, of them, knowing how much distance there has been. It is not the hunter, and it is not the angry, lost kid, and it is not the person who is so in love with her he doesn't know how he could ever, ever let her go (even if all those things are him too)-- No, it's her best friend.

It's her best friend who doesn't want her to not have that space so she can find her way, so she can fight for herself, so she can know and understand what she needs. There's an aching smile against her hair as he holds her tightly to him.

"Why do you think I knew I had to move out?" He knows her, because he's her best friend and he loves her and he is in love with her, and he is always all of these things at once. And he will always want what is best for her. Always fight for that.

[rattles]

♪

Sarah releases a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding when he gathers her up in his arms, hugging her back. Something unlocks in her chest, and it's as though something pierced through the bubble that had been caught in between them, allowing all of the air back in. It feels right again, despite the tentative ground they find themselves standing on. Her arms wrap further around him, as she places a soft kiss to his neck.

Her laughter is choked and tearful in response to his question, but it's genuine.

"Maybe I'm just that predictable." It's meant to be a joke, but she isn't very good at jokes right now. It's the first time in a long time she isn't missing Jeremy. It's the first time she starts to feel that distance slowly dwindle away, so she holds on tighter.

"I know how it's felt lately," she whispers. She knows, because she knows him, too. "But you know you're not alone, right? You have to know that."

[battlelined]

Jeremy's arms slide further around her as he gathers her up in his arms, and he hugs her very tightly, feeling the rightness of it despite the tentative ground they are standing on. It's right too. He closes his eyes tightly against the burning when she places that soft kiss to his neck. His eyes burn more, but his fingers slide over the back of her neck against her hair at the beautiful feeling of it, pressing a kiss into the strands of her hair.

His fingertips slide up her back, and there's the first smile that he's had in... god knows how long (since he blew up in Elena's room) at the sound of her laughter (as choked and tearful as it may be. it's still hers. it's still her laughter.)

"The last thing I'd call you is predictable, Ms. Monroe," Jeremy says with a slow and aching smile, pulling back just enough to look down at her, to meet her gaze, to commit her face to memory and this moment to memory.

He releases a harsh breath at the whisper as something burns through his chest, and his voice is quiet too as his fingertips dig into her back. "I just... feel like I burned all my bridges," Jeremy says quietly as his eyes burn, and he shakes his head. "But I know."

It's hard to feel alone when she is holding him like this.

[rattles]

Sarah only pulls back when Jeremy does, and she is able to catch a glimpse of that smile in time.

Her own smile grows warm, however aching, and her hand gingerly touches the side of his face once he's released that harsh breath. "That just means you can build new bridges," Sarah reminds him softly. It's important to her that he know it, that he be reminded of it. He is not alone. "Jeremy, you don't have to be a prisoner of your past. Neither of us do. We've been through way too much to ever be the people we were. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, but if you feel you need to? Remember the man you are now."

Not the boy he once was.

He might've stumbled and reverted to those patterns for a little bit, but their growth came at such painful and beautiful costs that Sarah can't believe it was all for nothing. She has faith he'll find his way, that he'll get the tattoo under control, even if it's hard. When has it ever been easy?

[battlelined]

Jeremy closes his eyes as her hand touches the side of his face leaning into the feeling of it as his eyes burn further before he looks at her. His chest feels like it's on fire, and he swallows thickly through that emotion releasing a heavy breath at what she says.

"I'll try," Jeremy says achingly quietly, glancing down between them after a moment. He knows she is right. He lifts his gaze to meet her own again at what she says, shaking his head after a moment. "I don't want to be a prisoner of it. I don't want you to be either after everything we've been through, and I'll try to remember that too. I just don't have a... great opinion of that person either." Of whoever he is now.

It's just a lot that-- It's just a lot, and he doesn't really see himself in a kind light anymore.

It's not easy. Nothing about life is ever easy, and they both know that so intensely and painfully well. His arms are still wrapped around her, and his expression falters before he glances back. "I should... get my stuff together."

Not that he really has a lot but he should get... those things.

[rattles]

Her thumb slides gently, and slowly, down his cheek as he leans into her palm.

The tightness in her throat gathers further, and it's with reluctance she lets her hand fall back down. She smiles, albeit it is devoid of amusement. "That sounds familiar," she says lightly. Only two years ago, they didn't have a great opinion of the people they were, either. They learned, in very difficult ways, to find a road of acceptance.

Maybe that's what life is. Maybe life is just that you get to do it all over again.

She falters when he does, pressing her lips together. She fights back the burning that threatens to return, nodding as she finally takes a step back, untangling herself from him. It's a step she needs to take, but it is the hardest one she has ever taken.

"I'll... get out of your way."

She mostly means she'll give him space, like he is giving her space. She bows her head, giving his hand one last squeeze, and with a heaviness she can scarcely remember feeling, she lets her hand drop, and she turns to leave.

[battlelined]

Jeremy doesn't like who he was and he doesn't like who he is either.

He doesn't have a very strong, good opinion about any version of himself at the moment, catching her gaze with an ache in his own. It does sound familiar. Two years ago, they learned, and he is tired of learning, tired of doing it all over again each and every time.

There's already a painful, intense ache at her absence as her hand falls down and she untangles herself from him. His eyes burn when she takes that step away. They burn until he can't see through his own blurred vision, and he turns slightly as he shakes his head.

"You could never be in my way."

Jeremy mostly means he could never need space from her (that there is always a place in his life for her whatever that means, whatever that--). His hand squeezes hers back tightly (too tightly almost, clutching hold), and he breathes in sharp again as he watches their hands drop, watches her go, feels everything crash in again.

And that's that. That's life.